Friday, August 27, 2010

is it really worth it?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the perfect marriage. Yes, there are days when I may think I do, but sure enough a moment comes along and I realize quite quickly that it is far from perfect. I have moments where I am down right imperfect. I have moments when I get angry, frustrated, selfish, mean, and nasty, (although I’m sure none of you know what that feels like). What can I say, I’m still a work in progress!!!

It seems to me when Scott & I fight that it’s always about the stupid little things in life.  It's the insignificant petty things that always turn into an argument, never the big important things.  And the other night, we had one of those times. I don’t know if it was just that I was extremely tired from working all day and then volunteering at church all night, but I must have just had a short fuse and he must have had short fuse from the day he had at work.  Anyways, it started off as an easy conversation about his day at work, and quickly became one of the most stupid fights that I can ever remember having. I was tired and trying to get him to tell me quickly a “long” story about a situation at work (long according to Scott, but I think anything beyond 5 words is a “long” story to him ). I kept giving my opinion on this work situation and he kept telling me to calm down and quit having such an attitude, which I wasn’t even worked up, but nothing irritates me more & gets me more worked up than when someone else tries to tell you how you feel about something. 

Well, I bet you can piece together how the rest of the conversation went. I didn’t quite hear the whole “long” story, because the conversation ended up with me storming off to bed, and him stewing irritated at me for the rest of the night.  Honestly, there is nothing I hate more than going to bed angry. I think God was “in the know” when He said that whole thing about not letting the sun go down on your wrath. Man, He’s smart! :) I just hate the feeling of not having a kiss goodnight, or saying I love you to each other. I always have in my mind that life is so precious, and each and every moment is a gift. I hate wasting even one of life’s moments being angry! Unfortunately, this tension boiled over into last night, and we had yet another bad night of being angry at each other.  Nothing is worse than when a stupid fight not only ruins one night, but two nights in a row.

Finally, this morning, I had to stop and think about the past two days and for me, it all boils down to one thought….is this really worth being angry about?  It's the same question that I face in every situation like this and  I’ll give you a hint at the's no.  Every single time I ask myself that question, I come to the same conclusion that it’s just not worth it.
Regardless of the situation, I can never seem to find a valid reason to stay upset & angry about something. Trust me there are plenty of times that I have tried! I try to argue my case over and over again in my head, trying to convince myself that I am right for wanting to be angry, but always God finds a way to get to me and show me how silly I am acting.  Even in the times when I may be "right" in my reasoning, it's never okay to justify holding a grudge with someone. There are so many times throughout my life that I have truly done stupid things. Things that I was 100% wrong in doing, and things that were worth being upset over, but God reminds me that He gave me His grace and forgiveness that I needed (& didn’t deserve) in each and every one of those situations. He was able to extend His love to me, when I truly was not worthy of it, and I will always need to do the same for others.
This is something that sounds easy, but isn’t always easy to live. I try to be a Godly loving wife, but I am still human and still need God’s grace to help me attain some of those attributes in my life, especially in this area. However, one thing that I am completely convinced on is that it is God’s plan is for me to love my husband with His amazing love, and if God has called me to do it then He surely has equipped me with everything I need to accomplish it!!  Let me tell you, it’s not always easy to love Scott with the love of God, especially when we have moments like we had this week, but at the end of the day it boils down to choosing love over choosing anything else. 
Scott & I are two imperfect people who made a covenant with each other to be husband and wife and that promise we made to each other will always find a way to bring us through the trails that we face as we walk through life together.  Despite it all, even on our worst of days, I still would rather have him by my side than anyone else.  :)


Jayden's mom said...

Thank you for sharing this! I think people shy away from being real when talking about their marriages... usually cuz its not just the other ones fault and admitting there are fights means admitting they have a flaw! Sam and I fight about the stupidest things! As you prob do, I have to have perfect "customer service" all day... so the wrong thing just makes me SNAP... I always regret the stupid fight later! No one is perfect and its stupid to fight about the small... but I also think if you fought about the big than there is something wrong... there shouldn't be anything BIG in a marriage that you fight about... that could be serious! You have an awesome heart and the Lord will honor that!!!

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